


Solace

by Candlestick101



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aide de camps, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Historical Lams, Hurt/Comfort, Lams - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Revolutionary War, historical appearances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 06:44:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18516040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candlestick101/pseuds/Candlestick101
Summary: To find comfort during the time of war may seem like something impossible, but the pair found solace in each other.





	Solace

Alexander rubbed his aching eyes and glanced back down at the letter he had only just begun to translate. Normally, he would not have any sort of problem with this type of work, French being a language that he was rather comfortable with and all, but he had already spent the entire day doing menial tasks like the one he currently found himself doing. 

 

He longed to be on the battlefield, a place where his actions would make an actual difference, rather than being just another aide de camp. It always seemed as though all his work amounted to nothing. He envied his friends who were permitted to go out to combat, but he was well aware that Washington would never allow it.

 

The man pushed a strand of his curly, auburn hair out of the way of his eyes and tucked it in behind his ear with a sigh. He still had much more work to do. Washington requested for a written translation and there were at least a dozen more letters left in the stack. 

 

Then, entered his closest friend and lover, John Laurens, with a small smile on his face. He quickly made his way over to Alexander’s desk and looked over his shoulder. John grinned a little wider and ran his fingers through his friend’s gorgeous curls. “I have some news for you, my dear,” he whispered, leaning down to his ear. “...A few days ago, when was heading into Washington’s office, to deliver a letter from esteemed wife, I heard him speaking to someone. I know it was eavesdropping, but I heard him say… that he wants you out on the front lines. I do anticipate he is planning on promoting you sometime very soon.” He finished, his heart skipping when he saw the joy spread across the smaller man’s face.

 

“Really?!” Alexander cried out, jumping out of his uncomfortable wooden seat. “You best not be lying, Jack!” He yelled, pacing around the room with great excitement, holding back squeals of joy. John would always think of him as a little windup clock, the man was almost always buzzing with excitement. “If you are lying, I will single-handedly tear you to itty bitty pieces and-and-and.… wait, what’s wrong?” He asked, all the fiery excitement in his voice swiftly diminishing as he realized something was off... 

 

John looked up from his sorrowful gaze, offering another small smile as compensation for souring Alexander’s mood. Under closer inspection, Alexander realized how truly distressed John was. He had dark bags under his eyes, his arms drooped at his sides like wet laundry on a cold day, and he looked as though he had not slept in days.

 

“John, what’s wrong?” He asked again, making his way towards his friend and cupped his soft face. “Please. Do not hide anything from me. If you’re upset, you must tell me what vexes you. You’re worrying me so much, John. Speak to me..” He begged, but despite these efforts, he couldn’t squeeze a word out of John. His friend simply continued to smile at the floor, his eyes refusing to meet Hamilton’s. “Did you… Was it your father? Did he do something?” He asked, frantically. “John, answer me! Did he do something?! Or.. Or is this about me getting the promotion…?

 

As if on cue, John locked eyes with Alexander and held his freckled face in between his hands. They stared at each other, in silence, for a few moments before Alexander opened his mouth, only to be shushed by his taller companion.

 

“I… I’m stressed, Alexander,” he whispered. “The war… it’s stressful. That does not make me special, my condition is no irregularity given this situation. Everyone is stressed, you need not worry about me, my dearest. There will always be work to be done and it seems as though the fighting will never end,” he explained, watching Alexander’s expressions soften.  “If I were to give Washington my honest opinion,” he continued. “I would not advise his most recent decision to put you on the frontlines, for it is what has been stressing me the most for these past few days. One the frontlines, you… you will see things you will never be able to unsee. You will see things that will haunt your dreams at night and cause you to wake up in cold sweat. You will see your friends being slaughtered and the only thing you will be able to do is watch. You will feel helpless and you will feel defeated each and every day of your life. I do not want you to go through the horrors of this war, Alexander. Do you know how I find solace in this war? I find it, knowing that you are safe here. Inside this tent. I will always be able to come back to you. You are the single thread that I am hanging onto in this war.”

 

Alexander shook his head and huffed, clearly frustrated with just about every word that came out of John’s mouth. “And I could say exactly the same about you!” the smaller man exclaimed. “How do you think I find solace in this war?! You! It’s you, Jack! You leave, along with guns and horses and other soldiers, and half the damn time you return injured! You don’t even at least pretend like you’re not doing that on purpose! To me, it is not, in any sense, reasonable you are allowed to leave me and put your life at risk while I sit here, in this damned tent, doing what seems like nothing!” He shouted, glaring daggers at John at this point.

 

John took a deep breath and a short step forward. “Listen, Alexander…” He started.

 

Alexander immediately took several steps back and shook his head. “I’ve already listened to what you had to say. I am willing to make those risks, as you did. But you cannot stop me from taking those risks as I am incapable of stopping you from doing the same. What is going on is greater than our desires. This is war, lives will be lost. Just as you said beforehand, this will be stressful, but we will manage.”

 

John sighed for what seemed as though the hundredth time today and squeezed his eyes shut. “You must promise me one thing, though, Alexander. Will you do that for me?”

 

Alexander nodded and took a few steps forward. He examined the man before him and smiled curtly. John would be fine, he would have to tell himself on countless days. A man of his strength and stature appeared built for war. 

 

The pair stood in a momentary silence, though not an awkward one, to them it was rather calming. Alexander sighed shakily and took both of John’s rough hands, worn out from the war. “For you, I would do anything,” Alexander whispered. 

 

John opened up his beautiful, bright blue eyes and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on Alexander’s forehead. “Promise me you won’t be like me. Promise me, you will take care of yourself…”

 

Alexander nodded once again and rested his head on his lover’s chest. “Will you promise me one thing?” He asked, smiling up at the blond. “Promise me, you will stop trying to get yourself killed. I want nothing more than to be able to spend all my days with you, John. I know you know that.”

 

“Very well,” the taller man accepted. “I will try my very best, but do not expect much from me. This a war, as you said, people will die.”

 

And people did die. Many, many people died. Civilians and soldiers alike, died. One of which being none other than John Laurens, while on another one of his reckless missions. He knew he was breaking his promise to Hamilton, he knew it very well, but he fought anyway. There was a war to be won and they were going to win by any means necessary. After the night in which Alexander received news of John’s untimely death, he was never the same. He had lost the man whom he had spent countless nights with, nights were they would laugh and cry and hold each other and make up stories out of the stars in the night sky. Alexander lost everything. He found solace in John, during the war, but afterward, he failed in his search for solace, for the remainder of his life.      

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you, thank you for reading. This was supposed to be fluffy, but HA, I can't write fluff. Anyways, sorry for all the historical inaccuracies (cough and grammar mistakes), as this is my first time writing historical lams. Have a nice day! Kudos and comments are lifeblood!


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